Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974)

a.k.a. The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue / Don't Open the Window / The Living Dead / Breakfast at the Manchester Morgue etc etc etc.
Directed by: Jorge Grau

After having had myself an Arrested Development marathon this last week it is now time to return to the wild wild world of weird weird movies... and what better movie to restart this with than Let Sleeping Corpses Lie? I do prefer the title The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue as it has such a poetic touch (yep, you heard me!) and I just love the use of "The Living Dead" rather than the word zombie in a title... Like most zombie flicks of the 70's/80's this one has a million alternative titles and apparently it was released in italy as Zombi 3 at one time as well... That's not a small feat considering it was marketed as a second sequel to a movie that still was 4 years away from being released... Oh, those crazy italians!

I'm not sure what to call this movie as it was filmed in the UK and Italy (mostly in Italy), with an british, spanish and italian cast and a spanish director. It's set in the UK, but it sure does feel more like a spanish 70's horror flick than anything else... and you could of course do a lot worse than that. I love the zombies in this movie as they are not the decomposed walking dead that you usually see in the italian zombie flicks that started to pop up a couple of years after this movie was released, these zombies are more recent dead that still have some use of their brains. Their mission is the same though - eating human flesh! And when we're talking about that subject I have to say that the gore we get in this flick is pretty damn impressive for the time it was made.

The movie starts with the hip bike riding and leather wearing antiques dealer George (Ray Lovelock) closing his London Antiques shop to head out to the English countryside on his bike. He's made plans with some friends to fix up a cottage as well as to flog off an ugly looking statue from his shop. On his way to the cottage he stops by a petrol station and manages to get his bike run over by a car driven by the beautiful Edna (Cristina Galbó), being the man's man that he is he more or less forces himself into her car and decides that she will let him drive himself to the cottage and then she can go where the hell she was going afterwards. After all, she owes him that from running over his bike, right?

It turns out that Edna was on her way to meet her junkie sister and her husband and at a crossroads she manages to persuade George that she really needs him to get her there a.s.a.p. After some grumbling on George's part they head for the sister's home instead, but first they have to stop and ask for directions... While good ol' George walk onto a field where some farming people are using a weird insect killing machine (that uses ultra sonic waves to kill off the insects) a strange looking man comes stumbling towards Edna. He attacks her, but she manages to flee from him and when George returns with one of the farmers the weird looking dude is gone - and of course Edna is not believed as the guy she described died last week...

They get into the car again and drive to Edna's sister's cottage where the same man now attacks her inside the house... that is one fast son of a bitch! The sister flees from the house to where her photographer husband is taking pics of some flowers and manages to be followed by the weirdo from the house... Just in time as George and Edna arrives the strange man attacks the photographer husband and kills him, and as this is on the countryside where people aren't as bright as in the cities (right?) George and Edna immediately get under suspicion of killing Edna's sister's husband. It doesn't matter if there is any proof or not, the Police Inspector on the case (Arthur Kennedy) don't believe a thing he's being told by anyone as he is so set on George and Edna being guilty of this crime. He is without a doubt the biggest dick I've ever seen in a movie (and that comes from someone who has watched a couple of John Holmes movies in my days), but not even he is above the law so he must let George and Edna go... but only to the nearby village where they have to stay at a hotel so he can get to them whenever he needs.

Our dynamic duo won't stay at the hotel though and as George now starts to believe Edna about the first attack they decide to go to the local cemetary and check out if they can find out anything about that dude who died last week. They end up in the basement where they are attacked by this man and it's quite obvious he's a zombie, he can also turn other corpses into the living dead by touching their faces, so soon the two "heroes" have three zombies coming for them. They manage to get out of the basement and into the church (together with a cop that was following them), but they are soon under siege as the zombies REALLY want their flesh. The cop makes a run for it to get his radio (that he had dropped outside), but he ends up as a healthy meal instead... The zombies then manage to break into the church only to be burnt to a crisp by reliable ol' George.

So, do you think our beloved Police Inspector believes a word he's being told when he arrives at the scene? Of course not... now George and Edna are under suspicion of killing the cop (and being satanists), but they escape in a cop car as George has now worked things out. The dead are coming back because of that ultra sonic wave machine he saw earlier in the movie... yep, it's as clear as a sunny day that he has found the culprit! He must stop it, but leaves Edna at another petrol station, where she freaks out and get hurt and is sent off to the hospital. George arrives at the field where the machine is and starts banging on it, not really damaging it that much, but he seems happy with it at least. He returns for Edna, after he has been told she's been sent to the hospital, and again he has to battle zombies...

This is quite different from most zombie movies as there has been no zombie apocalypse, there are not zombie all over the place (I think there are something like 7-8 zombies altogether in the whole movie). These zombies are the product of a local pesticide experiment (the ultra sonic wave machine) and not the usual zombie plague.

I'm a sucker for this movie, no matter how much I love the italian zombie flicks that came a couple of years later I'd say that this one beats them all. Sure, there are some hefty plot holes, but nothing I can't live with. The special fx are great (the fx dude Gianetto de Rossi would later work with Fulci on Zombi 2), the zombie in the pic above this text really looks like he's been cut up and then stapled back together again... that gash all down his front looks damn deep to me.

Hell, you get it all, some swinging 70's people battling it out with some great looking zombies... what more can you ask for from a movie?

Vampyres (1974)

a.k.a. Daughters of Dracula / Vampyres: Daughters of Darkness / Satan's Daughters / Blood Hunger
Directed by: José Larraz

I'm a pretty simple person, when there's some blood and gore mixed with nudity I'm gonna watch it. When those ingredients are present in a british flick from the 70's I'm really gonna watch it! Sex and horror go well together and seldom have the two of them mixed so well as in this movie... It's strange as I wouldn't really say there's a huge ass plot that moves the story forward all of the time, it's rather that we get to spend a couple of days with the main characters and that's it, but I fucking love this movie. And it's not only because of the plentiful amounts of nudity we get here, the whole movie has such a great gothic atmosphere and, at times, quite shocking violence. But, I'm not gonna say that all of those nude lesbian scenes with Marianne Morris and Anulka made when wanna turn the movie off either...

This is also an utterly beautiful looking movie that really takes advantage of the british autumn as the falling leaves is a nice metaphor for death, and there is a lot of death in this movie. I'm not sure if it's because of the spanish director, but it doesn't feel like other british horror flicks at the time - it has a more south european feeling and it's easy to compare this flick to the vampire films of Jean Rollin as Vampyres is in the same vein as those (being surreal and dream like), but this one is so much better (and I do really like the Rollin vampire movies).


We start the film with two very beautiful and very nude women tumbling around in a bed, enjoying some sapphic love together when someone with a gun enters their bedroom and shoots them. We then flash forward and find the couple John and Harriet (Brian Deacon & Sally Faulkner) out on a camping trip with their trailer arriving on the grounds of a big mansion in the english countryside. While driving to their destination, Harriet noticed these two women standing by the side of the road trying to hitchhike... and for some reason she can't get that image out of her mind.

The two women were the two from the beginning of the movie, so already here we know that there's something fishy going on. The two women are Fran (Marianne Morris) and Miriam (Anulka) and they have this little thing going on where Fran is picked up by a car and get the driver to bring her back to her home (the big mansion). The driver is invited into the house and end up in bed with the beautiful Fran... and before you say "now, that's one lucky dude!", I have to tell you that the driver ends up dead the very next morning in what looks like a accident with his car.


One day Fran gets picked up by a man named Ted (Murray Brown), who of course won't say no to some rolling around in the hay with her. The next day he finds the bed empty and he's feeling a bit drained... sure, from all the sucking the night before he should feel drained, but not like that... He also has this big scar on his arm that appears he got from a broken glass. Or did he? Um, no he didn't... but more about that later. As he can't find Fran he decides to leave, but not feeling too good he ends up at the trailer with John and Harriet, where he's bandaged up and after having had some coffee he's right as rain again.

Instead of just leaving, Ted lets his little head do the thinking and he returns to the mansion, waiting in his car for Fran to return. She does, this time together with Miriam and another dude that picked them up in his car... yeah, why stop a winning concept? Later that night Miriam attacks the guy who drove them home and bites him to lick his blood (sounds sexy, but this is pretty ferocious), Fran joins in and soon the poor dude has his main vein drained, and not in the way he was hoping.


The next morning Ted wakes up again, and again feeling weak and unusally drained. He again looks for Fran, but as she's not around he gets into his car and drives off... on the road he passes by a car crash scene and when he stops he recognize the dead driver as the guy from the night before. Instead of letting the cops know this he instead returns to the house, where he manages to get locked inside the wine cellar looking for Fran. She returns to the house that same evening and again they have this new guy with them, and again it's party time! This time without Ted as he's too weak to party (I don't care how weak you are, you don't say no to partying with those two gorgeous women!).

The party ends just like all of the other parties these two women have, the guy gets killed and they drink his blood. But, throughout the movie, Harriet (the woman camping near the house) has been doing her Ms. Marple thing and been nosying around the house where she even entered the wine cellar to find Fran and Miriam sleeping a very strange looking sleep (well, Miriam awoke and hid from Harriet). So, things really needs to be taken care of there...


As I said earlier, I really love this movie and one of the things that I really love is how the movie ends... it's not a happy ending and it's not really an end to what is going on in the movie either, if that makes sense. We get to spend some time with these people and then we move on, while they keep doing before we first entered their world. I also like the way these two vampires are being portrayed as there is none of the regular vampire myths present. There are no fangs, the girls have to cut open wounds to drink the blood from people, they can move around in sunlight, they don't transform into any bats or anything and somehow I don't think crosses would make them go away either.

Even though Hammer (yeah, I know... apparently I can't talk about a british horror film from the 70's without bringing up Hammer, but it's valid here) are known for their lesbian vampire movies in the Karnstein series (The Vampire Lovers, Lust for a Vampire & Twins of Evil) this is the definite lesbian vampire movie to me (well, I'm ashamed to confess that I haven't watched Daughters of Darkness or The Blood Spattered Bride yet, but I will!). Sexy nude lesbian vampires... need I say more? Watch it!!!!

The Asphyx (1973)

a.k.a The Horror of Death / Spirit of the Dead
Directed by: Peter Newbrook

It's hard to not compare this movie with the Hammer films from the same time. I mean, it's a gothic horror film set in the victorian era (the film is set in 1875) and it has all of the ingredients that a Hammer flick would have had as well. But, if you go beyond the similarities you'll soon spot the signs that this isn't a Hammer flick. Don't get me wrong, I do think the film is quite OK, but at times it has a tendency to be a bit too slow paced, talky and in all honesty, a bit on the dull side. Even though the sets looked good it still felt like a low budget little brother to the Hammer films of the time and I know it's not fair to compare to Hammer all of the time, but they really set a standard for gothic period horror flicks.

The low budget showed quite well in the last scenes of the movie (I'm not gonna tell you exactly what happens - watch it for yourself) where there is a mask that looked even worse than the old alien masks in the original Star Trek TV series. That was a pure low budget series and still this flick managed to look even cheaper when it came to the special effects. Not that it should matter as a great movie is a great movie no matter how cheap it might look, but then again... I wouldn't go so far as to call this one a great movie.


The main character in the movie is the scientist Sir Hugo Cunningham (Robert Stephens), who is taking photographs of dying people (quite a macabre hobby, wouldn't you say?). When he discovers a black blur in all of the photographs he starts to research the phenomena, coming to the conclusion that he has captured the souls leaving the bodies. Later when he is out filming with his family (yes, he's also an inventor as he has invented a way to make moving pictures) his son and Hugo's soon to be second wife capsize with their small boat and drown. Hugo continues to film them when they're drowning (that's dedication for ya!), while the rest of the family at least tries to save them.

Later on when Hugo is examining the film from the accident he finds the same black blur there as well, but realizes that the blur is not leaving the bodies - it's coming for them. And later when he's filming a public hanging he manages to capture a weird muppet looking blue spirit coming for the hanged man. Hugo comes to the conclusion that what he captured on film was the spirit of the dead, The Asphyx, who came to take the hanged man to the underworld. Being the bright guy that he is he realizes that if he can capture the spirit he will have found immortality... if there's no spirit of the dead to take you away you will not die.

He uses a guinea pig (it's an actual guinea pig) for an experiment in trying to capture the Asphyx, and after having fed it some poisoned paste the guinea pig starts to die - and viola! the Asphyx appears. Thanks to some weird blue light Hugo uses he traps the spirit and locks it up in a box - the guinea pig recovers and it comes clear that if you catch the spirit of the dead you can not die. He's not only a brilliant scientist, he's also a bit koo-koo, so Hugo decides to top himself off (well, almost at least) and with the help of his adopted son, Giles (Robert Powell), capture his very own spirit of the dead who will come and collect his soul and thus become immortal.


After doing what they do so well in Texas, using an electric chair, Hugo's very own Asphyx is now trapped and locked up in a room in the cellar. Having lost half of his family recently Hugo wants Giles and Hugo's daughter (who wants to get married to Giles... her adpoted brother, what the hell is going on in that family, really???) to do the same so he won't lose them as well. After some persuading they both agree (he won't let them marry unless they do this, nice guy that he is), but things don't really go as planned...

This is by far not a bad movie, not at all, but I feel it could have been so much more... It's a horror film, but in all honesty there isn't really that much horror in it. I don't know if it's the low budget, but at times it does feel like I'm watching an old british TV theater episode - it's a very talky movie that rather than showing some of the stuff let the characters tell us about it instead. Even though the DVD I have of this flick looks pretty washed out when it comes to the colors it is a good looking film with some great looking sets - and even if some of the acting was a bit too TV theater looking I really liked Robert Stephens as Hugo Cunningham. The ending was maybe a bit on the cheesy side, but I like cheesy so I won't complain too much.

It's a good flick to check out when you have run out of Hammer flicks to watch... well, check out the Amicus ones before this one as well, but then you should definitely check this one out as it is well worth the time you'll spend with it if you're into british 70's gothic horror flicks.

Dolls (1987)

Directed by: Stuart Gordon

I've never been creeped out by dolls, but after having watched this movie I'm happy there are no dolls in my home - who the hell could sleep with those damn things around? Killer dolls movies were pretty popular in the 80's/early 90's with movies like Child's Play, Puppetmaster, Demonic Toys etc, but this one might have been the first in that wave. It was released in 1987 (Child's Play was released in 1988 for example), but filmed already back in 1985.

This was director Stuart Gordon's follow up to Re-Animator and From Beyond and anyone could of course understand that this movie couldn't top those two. Not that I think that it was ever the intention as this is a very different kind of movie. It feels like a very dark fairytale rather than the usual horror movie, and at times I almost get a feeling I'm watching a children's movie... with some damn fine gore here and there. It's probably because the main character that we get to follow in the movie is a seven year old girl and I do feel the movie get a bit too cute here and there because of her. She's adorable as hell, but skip the kid and show me the violence!


I know I usually go on forever when describing the plot of a movie in my "reviews", but with this one I could probably do it in one sentence: Some people end up in a mansion one stormy night and those who are bad are killed off by some dolls coming to life... Something like that! Well, as I enjoy being boring I will at least try and expand the plot description.

Seven year old Judy (Carrie Lorraine) is stuck for the summer with her father, David (Ian Patrick Williams), and his new sugarmama Rosemary (Carolyn Purdy Gordon). And they seem to feel stuck with her as well as neither of them are being very nice towards little Judy (and already here we realize that these two won't survive the movie - it's that kind of movie, act bad and you'll get killed). They're out driving during a thunderstorm and manage to get stuck in some very shallow looking mud, good thing there's this big mansion just by the side of the road... Our dysfunctional family unit knocks on the door, but as no one opens the door they break into the cellar to get away from the rain. There they are found by the two residents of the mansion, Gabriel (Guy Rolfe) and Hilary (Hilary Mason) and instead of telling them to get the hell outta there the family is asked to stay the night.


Hm... not sure I would want to spend a night with those creepy looking old people around... Like we didn't already had enough people to have a little party even more people turn up trying to get away from the rain. Ralph (Stephen Lee) and two hitchhikers, Isabel (Bunty Bailey - the chick from the Take on Me video by Aha) and Enid (Cassie Stuart), that he picked up (and probably thought he could sex up later on as well ;-)). Being the good (and creepy) hosts that they are Gabriel and Hilary invites them to spend the night in the mansion as well.

It turns out that Gabriel is a doll maker and the whole building is stuffed with dolls, creepy looking dolls... When it's time to hit the sack our two hitchhiking "punks" (although one is very much trying to look like Madonna did in the mid 80's, so I'm not sure how much punk they really are) decides that the place should have a lot of valuables that would be easy to steal. Isabel starts checking out the place on her own and is taken care of by some dolls... in a quite nasty way as she gets her face bashed in against a wall. Judy is a witness to this and tells her dad and the bitch he's together with and as this is a movie no one believes her, of course.

No one except for that Ralph guy as apparently he is still a "child at heart", they find blood on the floor where Isabel was taken care of, but no Isabel. And Gabriel has an explanation for the red stuff as well, so everyone goes back to bed. Or at least they're trying to as there are still some bad people alive in the house and the night is still young...

Hm, felt like I ran out of steam there, but I'm trying to keep my ramblings shorter when it comes to tell the story of the movie. I'm not here to write a damn book adaption of the movie... well, something that I hopefully will get better at with time... Aaaanyway, I have said this about other movies before, but I'll say it again. At times this movie remind me a little bit of the 90's TV show Tales from the Crypt, the movie mixes horror with some dark humor (just like the TV show) and it's that whole thing about "if you're naughty you WILL get punished" that feels taken straight out of most episodes of that show. Didn't they all end like that, by the way?

I mentioned earlier that this flick could of course never top Re-Animator or From Beyond, but it's still an entertaining movie. I wouldn't go so far to call it a great movie, but it's without a doubt well worth spending the 75 minutes it takes to watch it. I was quite impressed with the gore in this flick, not that there is that much of it, but what there is is great looking and effective. The pace of the movie is also quite good, with such a short movie there really isn't time to drag things out and we get some action quite early on in the movie. It was also great to see stop motion used to give the dolls life and it looked damn good. All in all an entertaining movie that delivers on the horror and even some chuckles.

The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)

a.k.a. The Fearless Vampire Killers, or: Pardon Me, but Your Teeth are in My Neck / Dance of the Vampires
Directed by: Roman Polanski

Horror comedies can be tricky as usually they're either one or the other, if the movie is scary the so called comedy is often not that fun at all. And if they're funny they're pretty often not scary for one bit... The Fearless Vampire Killers is quite light on the horror, to be honest, but it IS damn funny. Maybe I'm a simpleton, but even the silly slapstick stuff made me laugh out loud at times (I had to rewatch the scene where the Hunchback, who works for Count von Krolock, kicks Polanski's character in the ass just to get his attention over and over as it's just such a stupid and hilarious moment in the movie... but, as I said, I might be a total simpleton for liking that kind of stuff). The two vampire killers of the title makes me think of Laurel and Hardy at times, so that'll give you an idea of some of the humor in this movie - not that it's like that all of the time, far from it.

I'm not a die hard fan of Polanski's movies, I do like Rosemary's Baby, Repulsion, The Tenant, Frantic and The Ninth Gate - but this is among my absolute favorite movies of all categories. There's something in this one that just clicks with me... maybe it's because it's a parody of the vampire movies of the time that I love so much, especially the Hammer vampire movies, and it works so well as a spoof movie. And holy crap, it's a beautiful movie if I ever saw one... the cinematography is mind blowing, just look at the outdoor scenes in the alps, the snow, the fairytale quality of the landscapes and the colors. It feels like an Hammer movie on steroids. And I just have to mention the score made by Krzysztof Komeda which is beautiful in a very haunting way.

Anyway, over to the movie...


We start with two vampire hunters, Professor Abronsius (Jack MacGowran) and his assistant Alfred (Roman Polanski), arriving in a small village somewhere in the Transylvanian mountains. They take residence in the village inn and it doesn't take them long to realize that there are vampires in the area (there's garlic hanging all over the inn). At the inn they meet the innkeeper's beautiful daughter, Sarah (Sharon Tate), who just loves to take baths (and I love that she loves taking them!) no matter whose bathtub she has to use. Alfred falls head over heel in love with her (who wouldn't? I just need to say a big FUCK YOU to the Manson Family for killing her... assholes!) and when she begs him to use his bathtub for a quick soak he of course lets her...


While spying through the keyhole to the bathroom he witness the local head vampire, Count von Krolock (Ferdy Mayne), come crashing through a ceiling window, attacking Sarah (well, he just has to nibble on her neck a little... and again, who wouldn't????) and then take off with her. Her father, Shagal (Alfie Bass), takes off after the Count trying to rescue his daughter, but ends up coming back frozen stiff and drained of all of his blood. And here is the most silly and mischievous vampire of the movie born... The Professor and Alfred decides that it's time to own up to the title Vampire Killers and takes off to find the Count's castle and put a stake through his heart.


They arrive at the castle and manage to get inside where they are immediately discovered by the Count's mute hunchback servant, Koukol (Terry Downes), and brought in front of the Count himself. Thanks to some lying, some bat talk and shameless self promotion from the Professor the two of them are invited to stay in the castle (the Count has an interest in bats himself, it seems...). After getting some rest the two vampire killers set out to find the Count's coffin (as he is "of no use during the day" they only have to stay clear of the hunchback servant) and after some acrobatics high up on the ledges of the castle walls they find the crypt where the Count is resting (with his quite feminine son by his side). The Professor get stuck in the tiny window that leads the to crypt and it's up to Alfred to take care of business... something he isn't able to do.

They need to come up with a new plan (and to get the Professor loose from that tiny damn window!), but on his way to free the Professor Alfred finds the lovely Sarah alive and well, taking a bath as usual. The plan is now to rescue Sarah and get the hell out of there! Which is not that easy as the vampires are planning a ball that same evening where Sarah will be presented as a new member of the slowly withering vampire clan. After a short encounter with the Count's son, Herbert (Ian Quarrier), who shows more than just a friendly interest in Alfred, the professor and Alfred are caught by the Count and locked out on a balcony where they will await their destiny of being turned into vampires themselves. The two bumbling vampire killers manage to escape and disguise themselves as vampires and infiltrate the ball, where they end up running off with Sarah in a horse drawn carriage. Sarah seems unusally cold, but who wouldn't in the middle of a cold winter?


If you're even the slightest interested in the Hammer vampire flicks of the late 60's and early 70's this is definitely a movie for you. Sure, this is more comedy than horror, but some of those Hammer films weren't that scary either ;-). I probably said it all in the beginning of this "review", but I'll say it again - this is one of those movies that just never fail to entertain. It's pretty damn funny, the vampires are just like vampires should be (not like the ones in the Twilight crap movies... and I'm bringing that shit up again here just because I've never seen any gayer vampire than the one in Twilight and here in this flick we have a gay vampire...) and we have a red headed Sharon Tate... hell, just that last thing would be enough for me to love a movie... again, fucking Manson Family!!!!!!!

Tales from the Crypt (1972)

Directed by: Freddie Francis

Being a big fan of Hammer Films it's easy to also have a soft spot for Amicus Productions as Amicus always felt like the poor man's Hammer. Not that their movies were not as good as Hammer's, as a lot of them were, but you get the feeling the company didn't really have the same budget as Hammer as most of their movies are set in a "modern" time instead of the usual Hammer period pieces. Another reason Hammer and Amicus go so well together is all the Hammer stars (both actors and directors) that worked for Amicus as well.

One thing that Amicus were really good at, and I don't think Hammer did any at all, are anthology movies. I like anthology movies as even at worse case scenario you usually get at least one great story... that's at least better than to have to suffer through a total snooze fest with no entertaining value at all. And when it comes to the Amicus anthology movies you usually get much more of the good than the bad.


And now, over to the movie: We start with some tourists visiting some catacombs somewhere in England, and while most of the tourists are following the guide five manage to get left behind and not finding a way out. That's until a door opens and they find a big room with five stone chairs in the middle - no one is there and they decide that this party really blows and head for the door when it slams shut and behind them a monk looking man appears. You never get to know who he is in the movie, but this is the Crypt Keeper - looking and sounding very different from the yattering pun machine that was presenting the Tales from the Crypt TV series in the 90's. He tells the five people that they need to see what he will show them and here's where the short movies within the movie starts...


First out is ...And All Through the House, and here we find Joanne (Joan Collins) celebrating Christmas by bashing her husband's head in... by being that naughty just around Christmas time you'd suspect that Joanne wouldn't get a visit from Santa Claus, but you're so wrong about that! While she's taking care of her hubby's dead body a radio announcement is letting us know that a man has escaped from the home of the criminally insane, and he is wearing a Santa costume. Of course he is headed straight for Joanne's house and starts to knock on the door trying to get in... Joanne would have been safe if it wasn't for her stupid daughter who thought that Santa should come inside the house instead of freezing outside. There's one reason why I really hate kids... retards!

Second out is Reflection of Death, and just as the first one this is kinda short (but that's a good thing as it's without a doubt the weakest of the lot). Here we have a guy called Carl (Ian Hendry) who abandons his wife and two kids for his mistress, while driving with her to their new home they get into a car crash. Carl is dragging himself from the scene of the crash looking for his mistress, but can't find her. So he decides to go back home to his wife again - who he freak the shit out when she opens the door (and strangely enough the name on the door is different now and she seems to have a new hubby... that's weird!), he keeps scaring people along the way (we only see things from his point of view) and ends up at his mistress' old apartment where she is living again. There he (and we) finally get a look of himself and it turns out the car crash happened two years ago and he's now a walking corpse... he wakes up screaming in the car (this was apparently just a dream) just about to be part of the same car crash he just dreamt about.


Third out is Poetic Justice, and here we have Peter Cushing playing an old gentle garbage man that some of his snobbish neighbors just can't stand. All because of what he's working with and that he is taking care of stray dogs (oh, the noise!) and is visited by the neighborhood's children (which he gives toys to, toys that he has found in the garbage and repaired). A father and son team from the other side of the street starts an smear campaign to get rid of the old man and first they have the police getting rid of his dogs. When that's not enough they imply to the children's parents that he might be a child molestor, so all the children are forbidden to go to him. Then they even manage to get him to lose his job, and when that's not enough they send him a lot of nasty Valentine cards on Valentine's Day. This last thing is too much for poor old Mr. Grimsdyke (Cushing) and he hangs himself... One year later he his back visiting his old neighbors though, and he leaves a Valentine card of his own...

The fourth story is Wish You Were Here, and this is a variant of the old "The Monkey's Paw" story. Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true! In this one we have a business man, Ralph Jason (Richard Greene), who is having financial troubles - luck have it that his wife spots a text on the bottom of a small statue in their home telling them about three wishes. Not that they believe in such things, but they do make a wish for money and ta-da! the phone rings and the money situation seems to be clearing up. But, on his way to his lawyer Ralph dies in a car crash - his wife desperately wants him back and makes another wish: to get him back as he was right before he crashed. Well, poor old Ralphie-boy died of a heart attack before the crash so he comes back to her in a coffin... So, she uses the third and last wish to make him alive now and forever as he was before he died. He comes back to life, but is screaming in pain due to having been embalmed... when his wife can't take his screams any more she uses a sword on him, chopping him to pieces and still he's screaming...


And the last story is Blind Alleys, and it takes place in a home for the blind, where Major William Rogers (Nigel Patrick) is the new director. Not knowing how to lead the blind he resorts to how he lead his men in the army and that might not be the best of ideas... he's also a cheap bastard taking away almost every little luxury thing the blind men enjoyed (like heat in the building, blankets, real food... you know, luxury stuff). When one of the blind dies from the cold the rest of them decides that enough is enough and lock the Major up in a small cell while they're doing some woodwork outside his door. When they finally open up his door he finds a small corridor that he needs to get through to get to safety... a corridor that has a shitload of razor blades stuck to the walls! And if that wasn't bad enough, they release the Major's now very hungry dog on him inside the corridor...

The movie ends with the Crypt Keeper letting us know why we have seen all of this and I'll let you find that out all by yourself... so find yourself a copy of this movie and watch it dammit!


Tales from the Crypt is based on an old comic book from the 50's with the same name, although some of the stories in this movie were taken from the magazine The Vault of Horror, which was published by the same people at the same time as Tales... The tone is quite dark in this movie, but with a dark sense of humor mixed in with the horror, just like the original magazines. And it works very well for me... This is not my favorite Amicus anthology movie (that honor goes to The House That Dripped Blood), but it's a damn fine one!

You get some great acting and the directing by Freddie Francis is flawless, we get the usual 70's style weird angles (which I love) and wild close ups (especially in the car crash in the second story). This a great example of classic early 70's british horror cinema with one of the greats, Peter Cushing. You can't go wrong with that! (and I must confess that I actually jumped up by something in the first story... yep, even yours truly can be scared by a movie ;-)).

Rawhead Rex (1986)

Directed by: George Pavlou

When it comes to the wonderful movie world of Clive Barker it's of course hard to beat the first two Hellraiser movies and Nightbreed, but for some reason this is a movie that I really, really enjoy as well. Not in the same way as the three others that I mentioned, this is just brain dead monster movie fun that's probably lightyears from what Clive Barker wanted it to be... he has disowned this movie, but don't let that stop you from checking it out. I don't really remember the story which the movie is based on (it's in one of the Books of Blood), it's probably been at least 17-18 years since I read it, but I suspect the movie don't have much to do with the short story as not much of the Clive Barker touch is present here. Instead we get a very low budget looking british monster movie with some sweet looking gore and one of the most silly looking monsters ever.

Yeah, the monster look pretty retarded and is extremely cheap looking. The whole monster (he has a name, and he's of course the Rawhead in the movie's title) look very stupid, but the head takes the cake. It's very plastic looking and he walks around with the same facial expression for most of the movie (like a frozen snarl), which makes it obvious there wasn't many parts that could move in that mask. Hell, the head of the monster look like a really cheap Halloween mask!


Howard Hallenbeck (David Dukes) is an american author travelling in the irish countryside with his family (wife and two kids - a boy and a girl) working on a book that deals with pre-christian sacred sites. He ends up in the tiny village of Rathmorne (population 251 - something that will change soon...) and in the local church he spots a strange image on one of the stained glass windows. A monster being forced by an other wordly force into the ground... the monster look silly even on the glass window, but it's 100 times better looking than the real deal that soon will appear.

Meanwhile, three farmers are trying to remove a big stone pillar that someone put in the middle of a field. It can't be moved and two of the guys give up and leave the third one to do this himself (nice friends, huh?) - and with the help of some shitty weather that brought some lightning with it the pillar topples over. Not that the farmer can enjoy it as he is killed by the lightning... and from under the pillar rises the most silly looking rubber monster you've probably ever seen: Rawhead! He's been stuck under that pillar for a long time and needs to catch up with his hobbies, which is killing people. So, people start to end up missing in this small little village, and when they're found they're just a big pile of bloody mess. The police are on the case, but no one has a clue to who could be doing this.


When a kid, who is a witness to Rawhead munching on a dead body, and Hallenbeck, who saw Rawhead while being out on a nightly walk, tell the police (well, the kids draws a picture of Rawhead) about the monster they really don't believe them. Seems like the police are just the same all over the world, not believing anything until it's much too late... Hallenbeck gets pissed about the police not treating him like the star witness that he is and decides to leave the village for Dublin instead. Biiiiig mistake... During a pit stop just outside of the village where the daughter in the family has to take a leak Rawhead attacks the car (where the son is left alone when the daughter is scared by a dead rabbit... well, I can understand her as that dead rabbit looks A LOT more scary than Rawhead) and kills the son.


Hallenbeck returns, with what's left of his family, to Rathmorne where he is determined to hunt down Rawhead. The police is of not much help, they have their hands full after Rawhead massacres a bunch of people in a trailer park (where we get one of the most "unmotivated" nude scenes I think I've seen... a girl is dragged out through a window from her trailer when her boyfriend, or whatever, tries to hold on to her, only to rip off her dress instead... not that I'm complaining too much, it was just too obvious that they needed some nudity somewhere and why not there?), so Hallenbeck returns to the church and that stained glass window trying to find out how to defeat Mr Rubber Monster.

The priest, Declan O'Brien (Ronan Wilmot), has gone mental and is now a devotee of Rawhead (who we learn is an old pagan god) after having been baptized in a golden shower from Mr. Rex himself. The priest tries to stop Hallenbeck, but the author finds out what is needed to stop Rawhead, a stone that has a female shape, and finds it inside the altar of the church. He runs into Rawhead in the grave yard and from having studied the stained glass window he holds it above his head to defeat Rawhead once and for all... and absolutely nothing happens. Hallenbeck's wife turns up, and while her hubby is fighting with Rawhead she finds the stone and holds it above her head. As the stone had to be used by a woman it works and badly done 80's blue lightning appear from everywhere. Rawhead is dragged down into the ground and left for dead... but is he really?

Again I feel that this is one of those bad movies that is too entertaining in a very low brow way to not enjoy. I wouldn't call it a guilty pleasure though as I don't feel guilty at all for liking this one (I do feel guilty for liking trash like Starship Troopers and House of the Dead though... yikes, what's wrong with me??!?!?!). I mean, it has everything I like in a monster movie: a fun monster (the silliest looking you've seen in a long time), gory killings, stupid cops, evil priests (well, one - but this one is a truly wicked one) and cheap looking effects. If I had to pick only one movie to be called a true popcorn movie this is the one!

Maybe we have this movie to thank that Hellraiser was such an extraordinary movie... Clive Barker really didn't like what happened here and maybe it made him work hard on turning Hellraiser into what it became. If that's the case this movie should be even more celebrated!

Godzilla - King of the Monsters! (1956)

a.k.a. Gojira / Godzilla
Directed by: Ishirô Honda & Terry O. Morse

Finally it's time for the big green dude to make his first appearance on this blog, although he is kinda greyish in this movie. Hard to be all green in a black and white movie, I guess... ;-). If you're a fellow movie nerd you of course know that the year 1956 is wrong when it comes to Godzilla's first appearance on the screen as the first film was released in 1954, but I chose to watch the americanized version with new scenes featuring Raymond Burr that was released in the US in 1956. After having watched the Japanese original many times I felt it was time to finally watch this version - something I had avoided because it just felt weird having new scenes added to an already great movie. Yep, I can be a bit conservative now and then...

Even though Raymond Burr is doing a good job here things feel a little forced now and then to have him in the movie. He manages to attend all the meetings the japanese leading characters are involved in (always sitting in the background watching what happens... just like us!), which feels a bit much at times. And there are some crappy body doubles at times (to make it look like the japanese actors from the original movie are in the same scene as Ray Burr) which mostly doesn't work at all, it just looks strange. But, these are just small things that really doesn't matter in the big picture as this is a great movie, I prefer the original Japanese version though - mostly because I feel that film is darker in tone and has a clearer anti nuclear message that feels kinda obvious considering what happened in Japan 9 years before the original film was made.


To go through the story of a Godzilla movie and make it more than one paragraph can be damn hard as it's usually: Godzilla coming out of the sea, Godzilla stomps on a couple of buildings, Godzilla returns to the sea... and in later movies: weird monster from outer space/egg on an remote island/from within the eart itself comes to life and attacks a city in Japan, Godzilla comes out of the sea, Godzilla and other monster battles, Godzilla wins, Godzilla returns to the sea... They sure found a formula and they stuck with it. But, I'm gonna try and tell the plot of this, first, Godzilla movie...

The movie opens with a destroyed building and a beaten up american reporter, named Steve Martin (Raymond Burr), among the rubble. He's rescued and taken to a nearby hospital where there are many injured people... we don't really know what caused this yet, but as Steve is such a nice guy he starts telling us the story right from the start using the well used flashback form. Steve Martin is an american journalist on his way to Cairo on an assignment, but as he has a lay over in Tokyo he decides to meet up with his old pal Dr. Serizawa (Akihiko Hirata). But before they can meet he is picked up by airport security and questioned about something that apparently happened while he was on the plane above the Sea of Japan. A ship went missing and there was some light flashes and crap like that going on... Steve missed the whole thing, but as he's such a nice guy he offers to help out as much as he can with whatever that caused the ship to go missing.


The body of a man from the missing ship is washed up on the beach of Oto Island and Steve and "friends" immediately take the nearest helicopter cab there to investigate. There they are told by the islanders that they believe it's this horrible monster god that lives under the sea that is responsible for the sinking of the ship and the loss of all those lives... This is what I like, before Godzilla became the champion of kids he was a big bad motherfucker who killed people just because he liked it. And apparently he can cause shitty weather as well as the following night all hell breaks loose with storm winds and a lot of rain - sure, blame poor Godzilla for everything!

Some time later Steve and the japanese cast are out strolling on the island when they hear a loud stomping sound and all of a sudden Godzilla is peeking over the ridge they were walking towards. And here we get the classic scene of screaming japanese actors running for their lives, Godzilla is feeling lazy today though so he doesn't bother with the humans and returns to the sea instead. But, the Japanese military don't wanna leave him alone and they start dropping depth charges on him... not a nice thing to do, and more importantly, not a smart thing to do. Just like the Incredible Hulk you REALLY don't want an upset Godzilla.

Godzilla pays Tokyo a nightly visit, and it's not to hit the stores in the Ginza district to do some shopping, no... he's here to show that you do not throw bombs at him and expect him just to take it. So the stomping of Tokyo begins! You gotta love a man in a rubber suit stomping on cardboard buildings!!!! The thing with Godzilla's attack in this movie is that you see him killing and injuring a lot of people - men, women and children, all die from Godzilla's attack. Just like the people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki which this obviously inspired by.

This is also where Steve's flashback ends as it was during this attack he got injured and ended up in that hospital in the beginning of the movie. Godzilla was driven back though, by tiny little model planes (that you clearly can see are hanging from strings) and this is where we learn that Dr. Serizawa has invented this doomsday weapon called the "Oxygen Destroyer", which he, after some persuading, decides to let loose on Godzilla. The weapon strips any animal that comes in contact with it from it's flesh and just leaves the bare bones.

The gang (the Japanese cast and Raymond Burr) jump on a ship and locate Godzilla on the ocean floor. Dr. Serizawa dons an old school diving suit and takes his weapon with him to destroy Godzilla - but, as he don't want this horrible weapon to be stolen and used by anyone else (he burned all the papers regarding it before going on the ship), he decides to kill himself in the process of eliminating Godzilla. Thus removing all knowledge about the weapon... Godzilla is reduced to a skeleton and even though he is dead we are told that mankind needs to stop with the nuclear testing as another Godzilla could come from that.

Apparently no one bothered to stop with the nuclear testing as Godzilla has appeared in almost 30 movies by now... you can't keep a good man down!

I'm happy I finally watched this version of the film, but even though it's a great flick it has nothing on the Japanese original version. And I'm not saying that to be a damn movie snob now, there is so much darkness that is in the Japanese original that has gotten lost in the americanized version. Not that it's not a bleak movie with the horrors of the nuclear age, but it is toned down in this version. As there are over 30 minutes cut from the Japanese version (there are circa 20 minutes of new material done in the US though), it's easy to understand that there is a lot missing in this version.

But, you get a man in a rubber suit stomping on buildings and that is all I really need in a Godzilla movie to be happy :-). It almost rivals King Kong from 1933 as being the best giant monster movie ever made (this goes for the Japanese original version), and only 6 years after this version was released the two of them would meet in a fierce battle... which I will tell you all about later on...

Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981)

a.k.a. Le Notti del Terrore / Burial Ground / The Nights of Terror / Zombie 3 / The Zombie Dead

Directed by: Andrea Bianchi

We have a saying in Sweden that goes "Kärt barn har många namn" (translates into something like: "A beloved child has many names") and if that is true this is sure a beloved movie... The title on my DVD is "The Nights of Terror", it's probably mostly known as "Burial Ground" and back in my teenage years I always knew this movie as "Zombie 3" (at the time we had two "Zombie 3" as "Zombie Flesh Eaters 2" was also known as the third in the "Zombi/Zombie" series). I went with "Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror" here as that seems to be the title that is mostly used nowadays... It's hard to keep track of all these old italian zombie movies as all of them has at least 5 different names that they are known under, so beware if you're planning to have yourself a zombie movie marathon as you might end up spending the entire evening putting the same film in the dvd player over and over...

Zombie movies are a favorite of mine, so it's stupid that it took me this long to enter the world of the living dead. I've always thought fondly of this flick and I seemed to remember the zombies looking damn cool... hm, maybe if papier maché masks are cool... What I did remember right though was the damn creepy "kid" in this flick. Well, it's a midget (not the munchkins in Oz kinda way, more like a jockey kinda small dude) that really doesn't look like a kid at all, but considering what he does in the movie I suspect they could never have used a real kid in that role. And hey, Peter Bark is probably more known than anyone else connected to this movie just because of the creepiness factor.

The film starts with an archaeologist, who looks like a cross between santa claus and Rasputin the Mad Monk, hacking off something in an old crypt somewhere in the italian countryside. Yep, for once no one is pretending to be american in an italian zombie movie, this one is set in italy and the characters are italian (although, they do have american names so I have no idea really what that is about). Anyway, our old friend, Rasputin the Weird Archaeologist, sits in his study going over the thing he took from the crypt and all of a sudden tells us (the viewers that is as he is alone) that he has discovered "an incredible secret"! He swiftly returns to the crypt where he stumbles upon a couple of rotting zombies... not having seen any zombie movies before he think that telling the zombies he's their friend should work. It doesn't... and Mr. Weird Beard is turned into a zombie snack.

Cut to the opening credits and some awful jazz music... Three cars are driving up to a big mansion and out of them comes the three couples that you're gonna spend the rest of the movie shouting "how fucking stupid can you be????" to. Well, not all of them as some are destined to be zombie food, and right from the start you wish that the teenage son, Michael (Peter Bark), will die as fast as possible as he bring more terror to this movie just acting like a teenager than the god damn zombies do. Apparently the bearded professor/archaeologist from the beginning of the movie is staying in the house as well (so you know the crypt where the zombies woke up in are just around the corner), but the fact he's missing doesn't bother any of the couples and soon most of them are sexing it up nicely. Michael manages to put on a cock blocking move on his mother, Evelyn (Mariangela Giordano), by visiting her and her dude (not sure if that's supposed to be Michael's father or not, but who cares... he'll soon be dead anyway) right as they are doing the naughty stuff... We'll soon learn the reason for this, Michael is a twisted 13 year old (played by a 26 year old... yikes!) as he wants his mother all for himself. And not only the mother and son kinda way, no he likes his mother A LOT more than that!


The next day the couples decide to check out the grounds (I'm not bothering with any of the characters' names as they will die soon anyway) and it doesn't take long before the zombies start attacking them. It's nice to see zombies walking around in the sunlight for a change, although the papier maché looking masks are a bit too cheap looking when you see them in the bright light. And why do all of the zombies walk around with closed eyes? (they're covered with black make up under the masks and I suspect by closing their eyes it should look like the eye sockets are empty... doesn't work at all, I'm afraid) All of the three couples, except for that dude who were banging Michael's mother (he is ripped apart nicely), manage to get to the house fleeing from the zombies. Although, we do get to experience the weirdest placing of a bear trap ever in a movie... right in the god damn garden! And instead of the usual woman running and falling we get a woman running, getting trapped in a fucking bear trap and falling... geez!

The zombies in this movie are quite different from other zombies in movies at the time... these seem to have some brain activity left as they can set traps, throw huge ass nails and use tools. The maid in the house get to experience all three of those things when she is tricked to a window on the second floor, when a zombie is throwing a nail through her hand and a couple of other zombies uses a scythe to cut off her head. One of the zombies also manages to climb up one floor and get inside the house and cause some mayhem... and in the middle of this little Michael needs to be comforted by his mother, which ends up with him first kissing her on the mouth, fondling her breasts and then put his hand in her panties. Yeah, that's a healthy relationship, huh? His mother wants nothing of that though and he runs away... only to be killed by a newly turned zombie.

The zombies refuse to give up on the snacks that are waiting inside of the house, so they even try to use a battering ram to take down the door. This is when one of the guys come up with the brilliant idea of letting the zombies inside the house, because they might be "wanting something else in the house and not them". Give this dude the Nobel Prize of Stupidity now! The fact that the zombies attacked him and his wife, and the other people that are staying at the house, outside in the garden didn't register with him apparently... they didn't seem to want something inside the house then, what the zombies wanted is inside their bodies for fuck sake!

The survivors make a run for it and end up in an monastery nearby, where the monks of course also are zombies, so no rest for the retarded... They end up in a work shop area where they think they're safe, but no one is safe from Michael, not even after he's died. So here comes zombie Michael and he still lusts for his mother, who is so happy to see him again she shoves her breast right in his face for him to suckle on... Well, we know what zombies like to do, so you know what happens next - no sucking here, biting and a big bite it is as well! And then the movie ends in a rather bleak way with a confusing prophecy (or "profecy" as it says in the movie), and it's not just any prophecy, it's the prophecy of the Black Spider!

If you can stomach a 26 year old midget playing a 13 year old kid, while looking like he's 40 or something, that loves his mother a bit too much this is a really great italian zombie movie from the classic era of zombie movies. The gore is excellent, the zombies are really cool here (albeit a bit on the cheap looking side), there is of course plot holes and illogical stuff a plenty - just like it should be in an old italian zombie movie. Hell, I used to place this one above Fulci's "Zombie 2" back in the day, and although I wouldn't do so nowadays I do feel it's well worth a spot at the top of the italian zombie flicks of the late 70's/early 80's. You need to see it for Peter Bark alone!

Neon Maniacs (1986)

a.k.a. Evil Dead Warriors
Directed by: Joseph Mangine

Sometimes you stumble upon a movie that really needs you to shut off your brain to be able to enjoy it... something I've never had any problems with (shutting down my brain, that is). There are movies that, if you start to really think about it, makes no sense at all and still wants you to accept everything that happens. This is REALLY one of those movies as there are some serious plotholes and parts of the story that get no explanation at all (more about that a little later in this review). But, I'm easily entertained and have no problem with movies like that. Hell, I prefer movies that you don't have to use your brain too damn much over those who you just end up at the end saying out loud "now, who the fuck is that guy and why did he kill all those people???" just because I didn't pay enough attention for a millisecond 7 minutes into the movie when the murderer flashed by as the main character's half brother's old friend from school or something...

Ok, back to "Neon Maniacs"... This movie is pure trash, a really, really trashy 80's movie. And I don't use the word trashy to mean sleazy or anything here (it's pretty much a PG-13 kinda movie), no it's trashy as in stupid as fuck. And I can't help myself from loving every minute of this pile of crap.

We start this whole crap fest with a fisherman trying to catch some fish underneath the Golden Gate Bridge, when the fish won't nibble on his worms anymore he decides to go home. But, on his way he passes a door underneath the bridge where he finds a cow skull that contains a deck of cards... as he rifles through the cards, that has images of weird looking mutants on them, he gets an axe in his head and here starts the opening credits... wow, a weird way to start the movie, and it gets worse... the music during the opening credits is pure 80's porn movie music and nothing else. You almost expect to see names like "Seka", "Vanessa del Rio" or "John Holmes" in the cast, but no such luck...

What we do get is a bunch of "teenagers" (and as usual I use that term lightly as the actors and actresses are probably almost ten years too old to be called a teenager in real life when this film was shot) riding in a van and ending up at a park. These teens do what every red blooded teenager does: drinking beer, make out in a very PG-13 kinda way and throw some firecrackers (has setting off firecrackers ever been cool? the guy who does it in this movie sure seems to believe it is...). This kind of fun can't go on forever though and some weird looking mutants crash the party and chop everyone up, except for Natalie (Leilani Sarelle - Sharon Stone's lover in Basic Instinct), who manages to lock herself inside the van and survive the attack. No one believes her story about those killing mutants except for a younger girl at school, Paula (Donna Locke), who is a filmmaking, monster loving tomboy.


As Natalie is forced to take a break from school due to her upsetting some people as they refuse to believe her story she starts to hook up with fellow school mate (and very lame musician) Steven (Alan Hayes). On their way home from a date they notice they are followed by a weird looking ape man and a silly looking indian... yikes, the maniacs are back! For some reason the Neon Maniacs are after Natalie (maybe because she got away from them in that first "massacre", I don't know... it doesn't really make sense) and they end up on first the subway and then a bus to get away from them. Meanwhile, Paula has found the Neon Maniacs crib and also due to a clumsy "maniac" a way to harm them... yep, the "maniacs" can be killed by water! (M. Night Shyamalan probably watched this movie before making his "Signs"...).

The three hatches a plan to get rid of these weird looking mutants, and it's a good plan... wait for it, waiiiiit for it... they're gonna get squirt guns to all the school mates who will attend the battle of the bands later that evening and have them kill the "Neon Maniacs" that way! Yep, seems like a solid plan, huh? And wouldn't you know it? The "Neon Maniacs" got their invitations to this shindig as they do turn up, weirdly enough not killing everyone there instantly, no... they're still after pretty Natalie for some reason. The most horrific stuff happens at this battle of the bands... the bands play their songs. One band is an extremely 80's rock/pop band (with our hero Steven being the vocalist) and the other is a really bad hair metal band with a vocalist who seem to be more interested in cracking his whip than to sing well... Anyway, the shindig is turned into a massacre, both school kids and "Neon Maniacs" are dropping like flies (and in the middle of all this we get a very oddly placed love scene between Steven and Natalie).

It's not over yet though as the cops show up and finally believe the kids that there might be something hiding under the Golden Gate Bridge. Something that likes to kill at night, so armed with squirt guns (yep, police with squirt guns) they raid the maniacs' crib, but find it empty... or is it???

Like I said earlier, no matter how stupid this flick is I really enjoy it. The weird thing is that I can't really say why as it is at times beyond stupid and has these plot holes that could be used to hide small countries in 'em. I mean, who the hell are the "Neon Maniacs"? Where do they come from? Why are they killing all these people? What's up with that deck of cards featuring the maniacs in the beginning of the film? Why was it made and who the hell printed it? Was all of these killings just revenge for no one wanting to buy their stupid cards? Couldn't they have waited and tagged along on the Pokemon craze??? How the hell did they always end up finding Natalie? No matter where she was they could find her. And why the hell were they dressed up like some kind of undead mutant Village People tribute band???? I didn't expect to get answers to all of these questions, but a couple would have been nice...

Anyway, if you (like me) love really retarded and stupid 80's horror movies, that at times makes no sense at all, you might not wanna miss this one. If you have an IQ over 43 you might wanna skip it though... It's a fun 90 minutes if you don't think too much, and not thinking too much is a favorite activity of mine so I'll recommend the shit out of this one!